An apology to BM

12 May

Note: Inspired by the BM/SM relationship “breakthrough” of an internet SM Facebook friend, I’m publishing this post a week earlier than planned and finally posting my blog address to my Twitter account where I know BM will see it. It’s time.

My blog used to have a much different tone. It was a blog for my family and friends where I wrote about my kids and complained about things, including BM. I figured she would never discover it and if she did, who cares? She was completely unidentifiable. Well, she did find my blog and my Twitter account and asked me via certified letter to take the blog down. My first reaction was, “Hello? Free speech anyone??” But after a conversation with DH, I took the whole blog down and deleted a total of 2 tweets out of 433 that referenced her. I call DH “the prince of peace” because he always tries to do the right thing. He’s one of those people who makes you want to be a better human, and my life is all about making him happy, so I took it down, a bit begrudgingly, for him.

Then a friend reminded me, “You know, if she had written something about you on the internet, we’d be all over her.” And she’s right. I wouldn’t want my behavior posted online by someone else. I prefer to take care of that myself. I realized then that I wasn’t doing anything positive to contribute to the relationship I keep saying that I’d like to have with BM. I felt like a hypocrite. So I’m going to put my money where my mouth is and take the approach that DH and many SMs keep telling me to take: be kind and continue to reach out.

Although I have been asked to never again write anything about her good or bad, I am going to take a chance and write one more thing: an apology.

Dear BM,

In this age of the internet and social media, we sometimes tend to forget how far our words can reach. I wrote some things about you that should have been kept between us and for that I am sorry. Per your request, I’ve taken that blog down.

I hope one day we can get along, for the kids. I’ve been thinking about sending you the book, “No One’s the Bitch” for the last 6 months, but obviously I have not. I have a copy of it and would like to suggest that you pick one up too. It’s about building a mother/stepmother relationship. It doesn’t point fingers (hence, the name) and gives some very practical advice. I think we can get to a workable relationship if we both try. I know I’m ready.



Do you need to apologize or “make peace” with the BM or SM in your life? Write your letter here. It’ll make you feel better, I promise!

One Response to “An apology to BM”

  1. BioStep May 30, 2010 at 9:47 pm #

    This post was just discussed on CoParenting Matters on Blog Talk Radio:

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